Onxiety

How do people switch off? How do you manage to sit down and binge-watch a series on Netflix? I can’t even sit down and read a book now. My brain is continually racing at 100 miles an hour. I need to find projects, something to do, something to preoccupy my mind. Lazy moments become a virtual hellscape in my mind. My own mind is slowly torturing me. How do I switch anxiety off, I am fed up with onxiety.

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The Tsunami

I chose to believe that I lived in a progressive country. Now, I realise I was deluded. The UK has finally let down its mask, and inside is an ugly beast. The rampant exceptionalism that allowed Britain to colonise a lot of the world still runs wild in individual sections of society. Our politicians no longer guide or lead; they merely surf the wave of populism. The only problem here is that the wave is a tsunami.

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Societal Fragments

We are all devided. We are all fragmented. We argue. We shout. We holler. We face the abyss of our own making. We allowed the media to tear us apart. We allowed social media to drive the wedge further. We stopped listening. We destroyed society.

Dysfunction

The glue of society, once tactile is now brittle and dry. It erodes, quickening as time moves on. The fibres straining against the tension. The tension pulling tighter and tighter. Once stable roots, now getting pulled from the earth. The tension heating the atmosphere and burning the uprooted trees.

We are all burning.

Life

I often lie and ponder life. Wonder why I took the doorways and paths that I did. Was it all set out before me, was I pre-determined to take this route, or did I have free will and take a path that I choose freely.

If I was pre-determined do I then have to take responsibility for any of my actions? Is believing that I am guided a cop-out for having agency in my life? Is it a way to resolve the inner personal demons?

I lie awake at night wondering about this. Would it also mean that all the good I have done, matter not, as I couldn’t pick morally whether I should or not? I was just guided to act.

Does following a certain path mean that I  have to believe in god and fate? Does free will mean we should all be atheists?

What path should I follow?