The feeling it just washes over me. Washing all the colour out. All the hope it evaporates. I just sit and stare. Stare at what, nothing, just the inner monologue inside my head. A cliche battleground.
One, that I hope to defeat.
Become victorious in my own battle against myself.
The chances seem slim though.
I often lie and ponder life. Wonder why I took the doorways and paths that I did. Was it all set out before me, was I pre-determined to take this route, or did I have free will and take a path that I choose freely.
If I was pre-determined do I then have to take responsibility for any of my actions? Is believing that I am guided a cop-out for having agency in my life? Is it a way to resolve the inner personal demons?
I lie awake at night wondering about this. Would it also mean that all the good I have done, matter not, as I couldn’t pick morally whether I should or not? I was just guided to act.
Does following a certain path mean that I have to believe in god and fate? Does free will mean we should all be atheists?
What path should I follow?