Wondering Wander

I spend all my time wondering as I wander along the road of life. I make mistakes, I never truly learn from them. I hate the idea of love, but at the same time, I am a hopeless romantic.

I create my own myth in my head, reality never lives up to it. I then stand there alone and confused and wonder where it all went wrong. It never went wrong, it was never going there in the first place. I can not seem to read situations or people, I get it all confused.

This confusion building up and adding to the myriad of problems I see. I try and be a better person, but this just makes me feel used. Perhaps I was used, but I allowed it to happen to me as I built a myth in my head. How do I bring these myths down with destroying myself or those around me?

I can not. I turn and run, hide away and hope it will fix itself. It never does, and I end building another myth to allow myself to carry on, never fixing the root of the problem. The root will always find another way to grow anyway, so why to delve deep into my psyche and sort myself when I can build a new life, it may not be real, it may all come tumbling down, but just now it is all I have.

I hold on and start to lay the bricks.

Adrift

I roll my eyes back into my head. I am searching for memories, but all I have is darkness. I fumble through my own mind like a child lost in the woods, my own fear greater than anything to be fearful of. I scour or pretend to scour, the shelves of my mind. My memories must exist in here, buried out of sight, but I can not find them. The world does not feel like it fits me, it used to fit me like a glove, but have I now grown or has teh world grown? Cast adrift in my mind like Pi, perhaps there is no more a fitting character to my tale? The squabbles with my thoughts, chasing for ideas of who I am.