Have you ever stood on the edge? Really on the edge? One small movement and you’ll have gone to the abyss. The edge being so narrow, and you’re surrounded by the abyss. You could look at the abyss, but you’d lose your balance. Fall. Would falling be so bad? Would it be over in a second or would it be an eternity, or both? I should just fall. Let go, live in the moment, and fall. Fall. Would it all end, or would this just be a new beginning? Fall. All roads lead to Rome, the abyss. It all ends here. Fall. Why stand, take control, fall. Dive in, it looks so comforting. Coddle yourself in the darkness. Be safe, be comforted, fall. Come and dive in. It’ll be alright.
Fearfully I step. Each step hesitant. Moving at what feels like a glacial pace. Each and every shadow making me jump. I need to be away from here. I need to be free of here. I can’t be here, why am I here?
I lie there, the red stretching out across the translucent water like a peacock’s tail. My life ebbing but at the same time more vital than it ever has been. At this moment I more alive than I have ever been. I am truly in control of my destiny.
The moment will last forever, I have finally proven I exist and that I have free will. It is only as I create an ending do I realise that I have the freedom to be, to exist, and to not exist. A choice …
I get back to the car. I sit in my driver’s seat. I don’t feel the urge to do anything else. I just sit there, in silence. I am not looking at anything in particular but everything in general, and it is all weighing on me. The humour of the last few minutes has deserted me, and I don’t want to laugh. I want to cry. I want to beat the steering wheel. I want to scream. I just sit there and don’t look at anything in particular but everything in general.Read More »
Still on I drive, meditating about life and humanity. I still feel as if I am on a precipice and surrounded by a straight deadly drop, everything and anything I do in next can have serious repercussions on my life. Have you ever felt like you can just take a step, all your problems will disappear and they will never come back.Read More »