Onxiety

How do people switch off? How do you manage to sit down and binge-watch a series on Netflix? I can’t even sit down and read a book now. My brain is continually racing at 100 miles an hour. I need to find projects, something to do, something to preoccupy my mind. Lazy moments become a virtual hellscape in my mind. My own mind is slowly torturing me. How do I switch anxiety off, I am fed up with onxiety.

“Have you tried mindfulness?” they ask. I have, but I still have the issue that when I try and slow down to live in the moment, my mind wolves come tearing in, and I’m off racing through a forest rather than just sitting there and basking in the glory of nature. It makes everything seem fruitless, even 10 minute Youtube videos are too long. I need to chill out, and I don’t like the traditional off switches of drugs and alcohol. The idea of a loss of control scares me.

Old hobbies now fill me with anxiety. Things I used to do scare me now. It slowly destroys me. My health and fitness are declining, filling me with more depression and anxiety. I try and escape, but I only ever seem to get a few days and then getting out of bed is the largest issue of that die. Lying there, wondering how it came to this? I used to have hopes and dreams.

I used to have hopes and dreams.

I used to have hopes and dreams.

I want to have hopes and dreams.

4 thoughts on “Onxiety

  1. Interesting. When you sit with your anxious thoughts (while you’re doing something you deem not valuable), what comes to mind? Is it because you feel like you don’t want to waste your time away? Or if there’s something better you should do?

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